The White Rabbit

I live in a place where reality is easily altered.

Inconsistency. That's the word I'm looking for. Inconsistency, my dear friend, is something I'm learning a lot about.

In fact, somedays I feel a lot like Alice, from Alice In Wonderland. I roam the streets of this wonderland of a place trying to keep up with the White Rabbit (who is leading the way), and always doing so in a hurry. The swiftly moving rabbit does not allow me to really process or really take in my environment because I am so intently focused on him (most of the time). The White Rabbit is not always in the same form. Most days, it is a new task with a new face altogether. Meaning: I am constantly learning-- and constantly on the move. 

Today, for example, my White Rabbit was the Ministry of Interior. 

(To those of you just reading, I have gone through several loops up until this point, trying to obtain a volunteer visa for my current position. These next few paragraphs will explain a little of today's journey in that process...)

Let's travel back in time to yesterday, shall we? 

Yesterday, I was going about my day when I received a phone call from one of the lawyers handling my case.

"Angela?"

"Yes, this is she."

"It's very urgent for you to come to the Ministry of Interior (MOI) tomorrow at 10:00 am. Can you do this?"

"Sure. I can do that."

"Ok, great. A lawyer will meet you there."

"Ok, thanks."

Now, up until this point (since October), I have heard little to nothing about my current visa status. I have been in this on-going appeal process for most of my stay in this country. So to hear of this urgent matter out of the blue like this, was a little.. unnerving. Nonetheless, I knew I should go in to the MOI the next day to hear of my visa's outcome. Am I to stay here? Am I to go back to America? Who's to say? 

This morning, waking up and getting out the door on time was easy. Hopping a taxi at 8:45 to the checkpoint was a breeze. And completing the checkpoint was a cinch. {There is something to say about this event: It is really miraculous that crossing over took little to no time as sometimes it can take up to one hour --and more-- to get through! And, the length of the line holds no weight on this time discrepancy. It is merely the guard's attitude that day that causes the change. Yay! Today was a good day.}

After walking on the other side of the wall, I was informed by some local Arabs that the bus whose route leads to Jerusalem had moved its stops. It was now parked in a fenced in parking lot as opposed to in the open street, waiting for passengers to board. Once full, my bus started on its trek to Jerusalem at approximately 9:15 only to be stopped by an Israeli guard. We were then told to go back in the parking lot and wait... 

Wait for what? Did we do something wrong? What are they looking for? 

No explanations given (to me, at least), we reverse and pause our journey. Ten minutes pass with every second carrying the weight of immense angst, as I am worried that I will miss my urgent meeting that was now only thirty minutes away. I really needed that bus to begin to drive if I had any hopes of getting to Jerusalem on time. 

The guards finally let us leave the premises, but only after having us get on another bus. 

Driving down the road, all I can think about is getting to the MOI on time. I'm hoping that traffic is not heavy when we arrive into town and am annoyed at myself for not leaving my apartment earlier. Why did I think it pertinent to press snooze so many times this morning? Why did I not hasten my steps while getting ready?

My thoughts were then interrupted by the sound of police sirens. What's this? We are being pulled over... They want us to get out?! And so, that is what happened. My entire bus had to evacuate and were told to board the next bus that drove by. So we wait. 

Thankfully, we did not have to wait but for a few minutes. When that next bus came, internally I was going crazy. Instead of the calm being that I was exuding, I wanted to jump out from the crowd and race everyone into the bus. Every ounce of my being wanted to steal the wheel. Steal the wheel --and drive like the wind. With this thought, I held the belief that I could teach myself to drive standard from that point to Jerusalem and still manage to get to my end destination quicker than all of this stop-and-go nonsense. But using better judgment, I quickly calmed myself down and boarded the bus like a civil human being. 

Having just climbed into the bus, I turn to search for a seat when I feel a tugging on my wrist. I had been taken ahold of by an elderly Arab woman who was seeking to protect me from having to sit next to a man. Wow, am I thankful for her boldness and for her caring nature, ha! So, I sat next to her. Counting down the seconds.  

It's 9:51 and I feel as if every red light we approach is seeking to taunt me. "Nanner-nanner-nanner, You won't be on time today if I can help it!"

Where are those flying cars that should have been invented by now?! I could really go for one of those...

FINALLY!! We're at my stop! And, it's 10:00-- dead on. All I need to do now is race across town (but only a few blocks) to the Ministry of Interior.

I rush pass the old city to my right and several casual moving citizens (who looked as if I were a tornado that had just disrupted their movement). "They have no idea," I thought to myself. "I NEED to be at the MOI now." 

Breathless from running, I arrived at the Ministry at 10:08 am --and in a panic. Have I missed my appointment? Is everything lost? Relieved at the sight of my lawyer, I calm down as she tells me that nothing has happened yet. Apparently, the woman who is to receive my case is not at her desk at the moment. Whew! I'm ok. 


So, we wait.

And we wait.

And we wait.

We then ask around to find out where the woman from desk #2 is located.

"Wait." We are told. Well, there's something new for the day!

But, patience is a virtue. And, it's one I should practice. With a grateful heart.

So we wait some more.

10:40 rolls around and we are told that after one of the ladies has her break and is back at 11:00, she will look at my passport to decide if she can help me. Wait, so...why can't you look at my passport now? I don't understand... but keep my mouth closed.


11:07 -- I am ushered over to the first desk where I am told that the lady (from desk #2) who called my lawyer yesterday, is now out sick. The lady from desk #1 will look over my passport today and see if she can help me.

I watch as she holds my passport in hand and clicks away on her computer. Click! Click! Click! {A few facial expressions I cannot interpret.} Click! Click! Click! And then, she hands my passport back to me.

No luck.

Nothing is found in the computer system.
Nothing new.
Nothing urgent.

I am told to come back on Sunday. Perhaps new information will be had for me then.

But... what about that phone call yesterday that spoke of my visa status as if it were a life or death situation?! What do you mean there is nothing found in the computer system?? I am so over trying to figure this all out... 

Mouth shut. I process my thoughts.

Looks like the chase is still on for the White Rabbit!


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I feel like this is just one of the many examples of God teaching me patience. In and with all things.

I'm learning more and more what it means to pray without ceasing. I heard it said that prayer should be interwoven in and throughout your day. Imagine, if you will, that prayer is like a thread. With this thread, we are to bind our days together. That is what praying without ceasing looks like. It's me, praying on the bus as I board the first time. It's praying in those moments where I'm waiting with no resolution. It's praying that I would always be the person God would like me to be when I'm faced with a dilemma or something I do not understand. It's praying in all of those moments, and sooo many more. It's allowing God to hear my heart, at all times.

God's also teaching me compassion, and not hatred. I have compassion for both sides of this situation, realizing that both live in worlds saturated in fear.. that in turn, brings about injustice.

Praying that I would grow more and more in this journey of mine. And, praying that one day I will catch this particular White Rabbit ---the visa decision-- so I don't go crazy.

Until next time!

Sending love.
From Wonderland.