Seeing the Joy

So, it's Friday. My day off.

hmm... I like days off. I find myself, today, just spending some time in reflection. (That is, after watching a few episodes of Band of Brothers-- a great series, if I do say so myself...) But afterwards, I must get busy with preparing for tomorrow and the following week.

(I'm asking myself the same question: Wait, but isn't this my day off?)

I'm growing in admiration for teachers everywhere, though, as days off don't really exist in this profession. Sure, I may not be teaching today, but my brain is constantly at work. Trying to figure out the best way to discuss the next lesson, discerning my actions + words done in the classroom, and the inevitable task of grading. It never ends.

And, I think this fact brings a freshness to it as well as the danger of it becoming mundane. As with almost any profession, the danger of not seeing the beauty in the day is constantly battling for my attention.

I continually have to remind myself to look at the goodness of the day, and not harbor on those things that tend to bring me down. It's in these moments I have to hold fast to the joys that live alongside me. I have several students who are filled with love (and lots of energy!). They lavish me with smiles and hugs (on all of our days together: the good, the bad, and the ugly).

I have one student who never ceases to kiss me on the cheek when we are sitting outside during break. She is a precious jewel filled with so much love. But, man, she can say some things that surprise. I cannot pretend that the status of the occupation does not pull on her; for just yesterday she made an alarming comment that came from out of nowhere. As she sits at my side, playing with and twirling my hair, -- she erupts with: "Miss, I hate the wall! I can't go anywhere I want! I'm always so bored... I wish that we would have freedom. I don't like this."

This is from an eight year old girl.

She knows nothing of the other side but of the officers who guard the "fence" with their loaded guns, who deny entry to the other side for her family except on days they are granted (which, for most here, does not happen but once or twice a year). While, this side's (our side) soldiers, hold nothing but guns that could be equated with toys... as they are not loaded. Sure, this side has a lot of emotion, but I can't help but think that I would probably have the same reaction if in their shoes. I'm almost positive I would have pains, a head full of confusion, and the immense feeling of inadequacy.

I can't imagine what it feels like to know of a different time. A time better than this one, as the wall was not built but six or so years ago. I can't imagine knowing that my land used to be such and such size, but now is reduced by more than half. I can't imagine knowing friends and family members who have now died at the mercy of a gun, simply for existing.

I know life is hard wherever you are. I know that we all have days that are not what we expected, and I know that we are not granted anything of comfort in this world. But, I can tell you, it's difficult watching those around me suffer.

It's difficult seeing both sides of the turmoil ...in pain.

All I can do is pray. Praying for God to continue working here. Praying that God would work mightily here to mend the hurts that exist. Praying that His goodness would be what holds the attention of the people dwelling in this land. Praying that His steadfast love would occupy the hearts and minds of those I live among. Praying for softened hearts to see His truth. Praying for the spirit of fear to crumble, on both sides of the wall.

Praying that God would let me speak truth and show His love to those I interact with on a daily basis.

Praying that I would continually focus on those joyful moments so that I can continue on this journey that is set before me. Praying that I would always see God in it all.