Glasses or Eyes?

While in Jerusalem on Friday, I began talking with Anwar, the manager of a local coffee shop. (For those of you that are wondering, Jerusalem is a 15 or so minute transit. It serves as a refreshing journey despite the fact that 99% of the time I work on lesson planning + grading while there.)

Now, Anwar and I began talking because, well, if I am to be honest here: I went up to apologize for lying to him earlier that afternoon.

I had told Anwar that I was a student when I ordered my drink (It's a tough habit to break after 5 years of answering 'Yes' to this question, ha!). Seemingly harmless, it crept into my conscience as he then responded with, "Oh, well you get an upgrade!" ...and, well, at this point I was too embarrassed to correct myself in front of the others in line behind me. Not to mention I already felt silly ordering in the foreign tongue of English.

It's a funny thing, the timidness that comes when you realize that your mother language is not the dominant one where you are. It breaks you in ways you have never been broken.

A good experience, if you ask me.

After I had picked up my (now super-sized) beverage, I felt a mixture of things. 1) Guilt 2) Guilt and oh, ya 3) Guilt.

Yes, it was a small "white lie" that I had "let slip" --but I still couldn't shake what was said earlier between a friend. "It's not our reputation on the line here, it's Christ's."

As I was packing my belongings to depart, I knew I had to go up to apologize...even though he had no idea I had wronged him.

Sparing the details of the conversation and getting right to the point, Anwar mentioned a rather interesting perspective concerning what we, as people, notice. Or, perhaps more so, what we let others see.

In context, we were talking of when others give compliments on our clothing or accessories (He had some awesome, funky glasses that we were discussing. And, for those of you that know me, this is nothing abnormal for me to notice and comment on these kinds of things with absolute strangers...). And his comment went something like this:

"Ya know, I'm not sure how I feel about people commenting on my dress.

One has to wonder: Are they really looking at me? Or, do their gazes go only skin deep? Sure, I do it too, but... one has to wonder. Do we see people for who they are? Are people looking and truly looking at one another with those comments? Just, something to think about..."

Touche, Anwar. Touche.

With this statement, a few challenging questions were then raised internally for me:

Am I looking at people's glasses and things of adornment, or am I looking into their eyes-- the windows of the soul?

Am I looking at their actions, or at the heart of the matter?

Am I allowing others to look into my realities, my problems, myself... or am I trying to cover them up so I appear flawless?

Am I too busy going that I don't stop to 1) look in the mirror and evaluate myself or 2) see, actually SEE people?

All good questions that I hope to really evaluate.

Oh ya, and Anwar forgave me.

Do I Have A Clean Plate?

Ladies and Gentlemen, feast your eyes on the state of the art tools for cleaning dishes:

The Bucket and The Drying Rack.

Here in Palestine, I now wash and dry my dishes in this way. No more simplified dishwasher. No more load, add soap, and leave. No more do what you like and come back to unload the dishes when the work is done. No, sir. Now, every dish matters. Every dirty dish takes time. Every dirty dish takes effort to clean. Are these complaints? No, not at all. They are, however, observations. Observations that are now causing me to ask more questions than before.

Q: How can I effectively use each dish before its time is "done"?

Q: Am I really wanting to dirty another dish, or is it possible to go without one? (i.e. Dip your vegetables in hummus without dirtying a plate! Eat yogurt out of its container! Eat cereal out of your hands! ...ok, lie. I still use a bowl for that one... but you get the idea.)

Q: Am I willing to wash the dishes that are in need of cleaning? ...before someone asks me to do so?

As I was washing the dishes today, I had a thought: "These dirty dishes could, perhaps, represent what sin does to the soul."

Think about it.

My soul, the plate. Sin, the dirt.

The sin I allow to fester on my soul affects everything: My relationship with God, others, and how I view myself and those around me. Sin affects my life.

Every sin. Every time.

So, then, come the questions:

Q: Am I filtering my thoughts, my words, my actions so that they ever-reflect God?

Q: Am I following God hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute, second-by-second so that dirt is not able to present itself? Or, am I allowing Satan to work during those "free" moments?

Q: Am I listening as God instructs me on how to live, or am I sitting with closed ears?

Please, please don't hear me incorrectly. I am NOT trying to pull the old, guilt card. What I AM trying to raise is the concept and challenge of keenly listening to the still, small voice of my Father... and no one else's.

Always.

I recently read a book called "I Dared To Call Him Father" ---a MUST read that mirrors this idea wonderfully. And, quite frankly, I closed the book many times... just, in awe. In awe of the author's ability to stay so in tune to the voice of the Lord. In awe of how she was able to sense when the Spirit left her. She would then retrace her thoughts and actions to discover when it left and learn what was hindering her in growing closer to God.

You can watch a YouTube video about the book here.

Wow, simply wow.

So, that is my prayer today. Praying that I would continually aim to abide with my sweet Savior. My Father. Always.

Striving to keep my plate clean. ;)

Refreshment

Refreshment: the state of being refreshed with freshness and newness.

Yes, this would be how one would define my yesterday's journey; a refreshment for my being.

These past few days at the school have been somewhat draining, and I found myself lost in it all.

Lost in the feelings of inadequacy.

Lost in the feelings of doubt.

Lost in the feelings of frustration.

Lost in the earnest desire to give my all to my classroom.

It seemed like nothing was working. And, well, quite frankly, when that is the case-- questions arise.

I ran to my Lord, my Father, with questions, questions, questions: Am I supposed to be here? Am I at the right place? Was it your leading on my life or my own? Am I teaching the right age? etc. etc. And, wouldn't you know, not five minutes after those questions seemed to erupt out of my soul, I found myself once again lost.

Lost in the sweet love of my God.

Lost in the worth he gives His children.

Lost in the way God removes all fears. All doubts. All inadequacies. All with His perfection.

Lost in the affirmation that I am, indeed, following Him.

(This feeling especially came when I got online right after those questions were given only to receive messages from people I do not converse with regularly. These messages were ones of love, hope, joy, and companionship. I have strong beliefs that God put those messages into their hearts so that he could use them to speak to me directly. What a wonderful God I serve!)

With this new, refreshed sight (and with a few days of holiday), I began wandering outside of the box of normalcy I tend to travel on a typical school day (which, is not far).

I found myself wandering through the town's streets, through valleys, and then yesterday, to the ocean at sunset. It was here where God really refreshed my soul.

Sunsets are, I find, a glorious way God reveals His splendor. They are, for me, my favorite part of the day.

I love how, through sunsets, the colors of earth and sky melt together to form a breathtaking song and dance. I love how they blanket all of creation to reflect God's brilliancy, ever giving glory to their creator with their vivid colors. Sunsets give such a joyous, radiant presence and are so hard to escape. I am captivated by them. Tranced.

Sunsets are also, sadly, not monumental here in Bethlehem. So, it goes without saying that I have missed them profusely. But oh man, God is good. He knows my heart and knows my longing to see His beauty in creation (something you sometimes have to squint for, but it's always there.). Wonderfully, He provided, for me, a magnificent sunset yesterday while I was in Tel Aviv.

Through it: God's newness. God's refreshing spirit. God's love. All of these things seemed to avalanche their way towards my heart. And once they hit, I was taken aback hard.

I could do nothing but sit in awe as my soul and heart began to melt with the sunset in sight. Could do nothing but say "Thank You" --nothing but smile. Nothing but enjoy the presence of my great God.

He is, after all, the refreshment for the soul.

New Place, Old Feel

It's a strange thing to be in a place that seems familiar but is, of course, all things new. Right now I am indulging my senses and soaking up my current surroundings while at a local coffee shop in Jerusalem: The Coffee Bean.

I'm sitting here, drinking a soy chai latte (goodness knows how much I have longed for our sweet reunion...), letting Mazzy Star drown me in her song, Fade Into You, as it plays in the background. This song allows me to just, be, and do something I oh-so-love: people watch.

I'm watching as I see friends and couples re-connect, sipping over coffee, eating their salads, sandwiches, and all things Kosher. Amongst the crowd I see the devout Jews, the Rabbis, and many followers of Jewish law. I also see, of course, the new wave crowd: the young, hip, and fashionably forward Israelis. They all seem to be enjoying this particular Sunday as much as I am, using this day as a day of refreshment, renewal. It's a nice thing to be able to expand my normal views from time to time.

Now what I see: beautiful architecture that reminds me of my time in Florence, for the streets are lined with balconies and other simple pleasantries. Among the top of my "Favorites" list are the flowers that seem to be reaching out to me as they hang over the edge of the window sills--beckoning me to notice their beauty. Praise be to God for how he puts all of the wonderful details found in nature to ever-reflect His glory. I also feel the hustle and the bustle of a much more advanced, civilized place (which, is strange to admit knowing how old Jerusalem is...I mean, to think I walked past Old Jerusalem, and saw blocks of bricks from King Herod's reign!). Wow. Simply, wow.

Hard to believe that I am also only 20 minutes or so away from the school. Seems like worlds away.

Today after I passed through the check point to come into Jerusalem, I began to talk with two elderly Arab women. Both of which radiated love from within their souls (This is not an uncommon occurrence. Arabs have this way of speaking double blessings whenever they talk. "Hello!" "Hello, hello to you!" "Thank you." "Thank you, thank you to you! and so on and so on..."). We talked of course, with the little Arabic I know, but by the end of our 2 minute conversation you would think that we were long-lost friends, reuniting after a prolonged separation. I mean, I did after all receive an invitation to her home ...along with her name, telephone number, and traveling directions. Slightly overwhelming to be received with such love, but equally, I was so grateful to feel welcomed, accepted.

With a simple wave and kisses abounding on the cheeks, I left my sweet new friends and boarded the bus for Jerusalem.

While on the bus I just happened to think of a phrase I saw posted on a wall: "PEACE begins with ME." --and I couldn't agree more. I need to continually allow Christ's love to just flow out of me, and not hold on to feelings of fear, doubt, or anxiety. See people as God sees them.

My prayer is for Jerusalem today. I pray that this place would seek peace. That barriers would fall and people would begin to see people as God sees them: beautifully and wonderfully made, worthy of love. Yes, we all have our differences. But, what matters most, is God's view. And, it is my thought, that he views us as one. One people. I pray that we one day live under that title. Praying for the action steps towards this cause, that they be swift and smooth. Praying we would all learn to depend fully on Him in and for everything. He so much longs to be loved and known by His creation...

So yes, praying peace begins with me today, tomorrow, and the days to come.

Lesson Learned

With my last entry, I wrote on the frustrations of not knowing the native tongue found in Beit Jala (which is, more specifically, where I live). Well, an endearing event happened the other day that I would like to share with you all...

Three days ago, a young girl, Judy (I must add, that she is a wide-eyed first grader who makes you want to hold her and never let go. She's THAT adorable..), was standing by the front gate after school had let out for the day. She was earnestly watching the passing traffic, ever hoping for a glimpse of someone familiar. Unfortunately though, to Judy's dismay, no one seemed to be coming. Catching on to her need, I attempted to assist her and spoke in a friendly manner, informing her that I was there to help. However, all I got in return was a blank stare (I was, after all, speaking in a language she was just beginning to learn...). Finally, with the help of another, my message of concern was translated and she willingly obeyed my request for her to follow me to the school's office.

I was luckily able to clearly state to the girl's father that she had missed the bus, and he assured me that someone would be on their way towards the school. "Fifteen minutes," he said. (That's about 30-45 minutes in the Arab world, sometimes more...) So, knowing this, I decided we had better make ourselves comfortable in the shade.

While we waited, Judy and I began to form a relationship. All of our communication thus far had been a fun mix of charades and broken English--- both of which, do not get you very far. I tried to explain to Judy once more that I was the third grade teacher here at the school, and that I was a friend of Ms. Lily (her teacher). Still, crickets seemed to be noisier than she. Finally, I decided to talk on my frustrations of not knowing Arabic. "I really would like to learn more words... Here is a list of all I know so far...," I told her. Upon hearing my small (but growing!) list, Judy let on a smile. (Finally! I'm getting somewhere with her!) I then asked her if she would be willing to help me extend my vocabulary, and told her I would really like to learn a few numbers.

At this, a little game erupted. We began to count in both Arabic and English, and let me tell you, she laughed (a LOT) at my inability to remember all of the numbers (we only counted up to 5).

With this game, she received from me the label of Ms. Teacher Judy. I informed her that from there on out, I would address her as my Arabic teacher and that I hoped we could have several more sessions together. She, of course, just smiled (as if embarrassed) and proceeded to snack on her chocolate puff cereal as she contemplated the request I had just made.

I could tell, though, that a confidence she did not have before was blossoming. SHE was able to help ME. This was definitely a paradigm shift in her frame of mind. And, I think was a great lesson for me. I must always be willing to learn as I never know where a lesson could potentially pop up.

Thank you, Teacher Judy, for reiterating the lesson to always have a teachable spirit.

There's an event that happens at my old university titled: The Living Library. At this, you meet with various individuals (or, as they are called, living "books") for 30 minutes or so to learn about their lives. A dialogue, if you will, about what you find interesting matched with the information they willingly give. It's a great lesson that practices the art of listening.

And well, to put it frankly, it's high time I start studying and opening the "books" that are at my disposal here in Palestine.

In order to instill value and worth in the lives here, I have to put myself out there. I have to become vulnerable. Humble. I have to show genuine interest. I have to make a move. Daily.

Praying that I am consistently in this mindset. Praying that God would continue to lead and guide me in this venture, and that my heart would not be hardened from hearing his voice.