This week has been a tough one... with blows coming from all directions {basically, a lot of spiritual attack/junk}. And, I have just been taking the weight of everything on my shoulders.
Today, I took a stroll around Bethlehem and went to a local coffee shop where I had this dialogue with my wonderful God...
Me: "Lord, I ask for forgiveness. I recognize that I have slandered who you are with my words and actions. I pray for a heart bent towards truth, gentleness, humility, and love. I pray that I would not grow angry and sin against you and others. I pray that I show that power does not rest in anger. God, please create a new heart within me."
God: "Angela, you must remember that I am with you -- always and forever. I long to take control of all of your burdens and those things that weigh you down. However, I also long to be the life and the light within you. I long to fuel your mind, your body, and your soul. Don't you understand that when you surrender those things to me, that is love? Surrender those things. Think of and on me. Give me control. Do not think that that is weakness. For in your surrendering, there is strength. Let me speak words out of your mouth. Let me open the blind eyes and soften the hardened hearts-- for that is not your responsibility. You are to be available for my use. I have you there for a purpose, and that purpose has not yet been made complete. Do not let the enemy take control of your mind or your body. He delights in both of these things. But instead, rest in my power, my victory, my love, and my control. I hold the world in my hands, but that does not mean that I am too busy to hold you. I delight in you -- when you are both strong and weak -- I delight in you. Bear my name well. Remember that a heart of worship is what truly makes me happy. Worship me and me alone. Do not let other things distract you from my greatness. Stay focused on me."
Man, I really am not worthy of such a great God. I'm so thankful for His provision, His guidance, and His power. Praying that I would be obedient and always step in faith.
Hallelujah, glory be to my great God!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
What Is God Telling Me?
On the same day of the moon sighting, I had talked to my students about the two commands that God gives us in the Old Testament, both of which, are referred to in the New Testament {where we are currently}.
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"25 And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him {Jesus} to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”
26 He said to him,“What is written in the Law {or, the Torah - Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy: the Law}? How do you read it?”
27 And he answered {meaning, the man quoted Scripture}, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
28 And he said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this, and you will live.”" - Luke 10:25-28
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Obviously, the man whom Jesus was speaking to was not dead physically. But, spiritually and emotionally, he was among the deceased.
And, feeling that my class and I could talk more on this subject, I continued the topic yesterday.
We talked about how loving God fully is difficult, about what it looks like to just love with one of the four things {or combination of the four}, and how it only comes to completion when you engage all four: heart, mind, soul, and strength.
I can love God with all of my heart, but if my thoughts, my soul, and my strength do not reflect that love, it is useless.
I can put my strength to use in God's name, but if I don't have my heart, mind, and soul finding joy in these things... it is useless.
The list goes on... I'm not doing one thing or the other striving to get recognition. It should be an outward view on what is happening inward. Living life on earth with an eternal focus. Brilliant life.
Last night, I opened my Bible, and it had opened to Deuteronomy {I was intending to continue to read in Exodus}.
Deuteronomy 6:5 to be exact. Underlined, the lines of Scripture commanded my attention, and what should they say but:
"4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."
Wow.
This just causes me to think stronger on these things.
How do you show that you love someone with all of your heart?
With all of your mind?
With all of your soul?
With all of your strength?
How am I using all of these things... to love my Lord, my Savior?
I know I have a ways to go, but I'm praying for perseverance. I'm praying that I would not become distracted by things of this world. That I would not become distracted with the desire to wed. Or, with the desire to have something I don't have currently.
I'm praying for wisdom. I'm praying that the love I have for God would always be on my lips. That I could boldly proclaim the love and free life that God gives. That I would dance the joyful dance of freedom... because that is what I have. That is the promise God declares.
And wow, it's wonderful. Why, oh why, would I ever want something that I perceive as greater?! Is this not the greatest gift of all??
Why, yes. I believe that it is.
Praying that I always rest on this knowledge. That I am a daughter of the Prince of Peace. I have been adopted into His family of saints. How wretched I am, but God delights in me.
Praying that I am always listening to God's voice so that I can always know what He is telling me.
The Moon's Pull
A few nights ago, my evening routine was interrupted by one of my roommates. "Quick, come up to the roof! You've gotta see what's going on outside!" And, knowing that she is one after my own heart {when it comes to, well... most everything, her judgment is on-par with mine}, I immediately followed.
Swiftly walking through the front door to our apartment, down the dark hallway, and up the barren stairwell that leads to the roof, I was unsure what my eyes were soon to behold. {With a sudden dust storm this afternoon and electricity going off three times tonight, I'm learning to always expect the unexpected.}
My first glimpse of the rooftop was filled with hazy clouds across the horizon that had a dusty, eerie orange tint. And, I think, is this what you wanted me to see? But, noticing that she was totally engrossed to what was happening precisely overhead, I directed my eyes above.
Wow. Simply, wow.
The clouds were moving at a pace that I rarely see: it was a quick tumbling motion all across the top of the sky. It was as if the clouds were dancing, and some were doing an acrobatic routine filled with somersaults. We were mesmerized by their swiftness. But what really took our attention, was the moon's radiance.
The moon was perched at the top-most section of the sky, hiding behind the clouds. But, when the gaps between the clouds allowed us to take in the moon in our view, it was something beautiful.
The moon, completely juxtaposed against the black canvas of sky, stood out like a floating red balloon in an empty, white room. Every crevice of the moon was visible, and it seemed like we were all so much closer than what we really were: standing atop a four story building. It seemed as if we were sitting in front row center seats admiring a beautiful ballet just a few feet away.
Even though the air was crisp and chilling, I hated the thought of leaving this glorious spectacle. But, I eventually pulled myself away and continued my night routine, keeping the recent sight in my mind's eye.
I feel like this post sums up what I need to remember time and time again. Don't focus on the haze that is surrounding my view; look up and admire something greater.
Admire the creator.
Swiftly walking through the front door to our apartment, down the dark hallway, and up the barren stairwell that leads to the roof, I was unsure what my eyes were soon to behold. {With a sudden dust storm this afternoon and electricity going off three times tonight, I'm learning to always expect the unexpected.}
My first glimpse of the rooftop was filled with hazy clouds across the horizon that had a dusty, eerie orange tint. And, I think, is this what you wanted me to see? But, noticing that she was totally engrossed to what was happening precisely overhead, I directed my eyes above.
Wow. Simply, wow.
The clouds were moving at a pace that I rarely see: it was a quick tumbling motion all across the top of the sky. It was as if the clouds were dancing, and some were doing an acrobatic routine filled with somersaults. We were mesmerized by their swiftness. But what really took our attention, was the moon's radiance.
The moon was perched at the top-most section of the sky, hiding behind the clouds. But, when the gaps between the clouds allowed us to take in the moon in our view, it was something beautiful.
The moon, completely juxtaposed against the black canvas of sky, stood out like a floating red balloon in an empty, white room. Every crevice of the moon was visible, and it seemed like we were all so much closer than what we really were: standing atop a four story building. It seemed as if we were sitting in front row center seats admiring a beautiful ballet just a few feet away.
Even though the air was crisp and chilling, I hated the thought of leaving this glorious spectacle. But, I eventually pulled myself away and continued my night routine, keeping the recent sight in my mind's eye.
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I feel like this post sums up what I need to remember time and time again. Don't focus on the haze that is surrounding my view; look up and admire something greater.
Admire the creator.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Observation Skills
Picture This:
I'm sitting outside during recess, huddled with three of my girl students {all of us sitting in school desks, that are naturally sitting outside}, when one of them looks at my jacket and gives a perplexed look. Noticing this, I ask her, "Taleen, what's up? Why are you looking at my jacket like that? Is there something on it?" Her response: "Miss... what does 'The... North.. Face' mean?? Why does everyone wear this?"{And, when asked who this said everyone was she gave me names: Dad, his friends, you, Sarah, Wisam, and so on, and so on..}
I then proceeded to tell her that it is a brand of clothing that some people wear for outdoor things, like hiking, camping, etc. etc.
This, of course, took place after the girls had asked about my granola bar that I had eaten prior to this conversation. {Ms., from where did you get that snack?? My mom eats snacks like that...}
This, of course, took place after the girls had asked about my granola bar that I had eaten prior to this conversation. {Ms., from where did you get that snack?? My mom eats snacks like that...}
------------------------------------------
Man, these students. They see more than I give them credit, I think.
That's something I need to remember. With every glance I give across the room, every word I say, and the way I say it.. they notice. They pay attention to a lot of things that I don't catch until I have time to reflect on them.
The things that they mention in the class, most times, have something to do with my outward appearance {like the color of my shoes, my hair, my make-up ...really, one student asked me why I always wear the same make-up ...the list goes on!}.
But, what I need to have on the forefront of my mind, always, is how I am representing Jesus in my classroom. Am I being fair? Am I being just? Am I honest? Am I angry-- but not sinning?
Hard things to think about when every second of your day needs to be planned... and five minutes of calm, stillness can immediately erupt in commotion.
Welcome to the third grade.
Welcome to life.
Praying that I always allow Jesus to rule my actions + words + my life.
Amen, and amen.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
"Donkey" Means What?!?
Well, I guess I really do learn something new every day...
As I was coming home from Jerusalem today with a friend {who also teaches at the school with me}, I was talking about how I wished that I had a cord to hook up my computer to my phone so as to retrieve photos taken on the latter. I then proceeded to whip out my phone to do a little "show-and-tell" of my wonderful documenting skills so she could sympathize with my inability to share my phone's photos with the rest of the world {aka, Facebook}.
Upon looking at a picture with a few students and myself as the subject, I let out a gasp which was shortly followed with: "Oh my goodness! I cannot believe that Layaar is giving me donkey ears!! {You see, here... "bunny ears" that you often see in comedic pictures are not really bunny ears at all. They are "donkey ears"-- and the word "donkey" has a very negative connotation, or so I was told.} "...How could she do such a thing?!?"
I then followed these statements with a long-drawn out story on how I was trying to nip the name calling {especially, calling one another "donkeys"} in my classroom. I told my friend that every time I heard that word used, I would have the student sit down, write their parents a note stating the phrase they said in class--"donkey", and have the note returned bearing a signature from a parent.
A fine, fine act to increase awareness in the home, and I was quite proud of myself.
Until, of course, I heard the next few lines from my friend...
At this, we just laugh.
So, the parents may think I'm traditional. Or, perhaps conservative. Or, maybe just strange. Either way, my students definitely think twice before they call each other donkeys.
I'm changing Palestine, one day at a time...
As I was coming home from Jerusalem today with a friend {who also teaches at the school with me}, I was talking about how I wished that I had a cord to hook up my computer to my phone so as to retrieve photos taken on the latter. I then proceeded to whip out my phone to do a little "show-and-tell" of my wonderful documenting skills so she could sympathize with my inability to share my phone's photos with the rest of the world {aka, Facebook}.
Upon looking at a picture with a few students and myself as the subject, I let out a gasp which was shortly followed with: "Oh my goodness! I cannot believe that Layaar is giving me donkey ears!! {You see, here... "bunny ears" that you often see in comedic pictures are not really bunny ears at all. They are "donkey ears"-- and the word "donkey" has a very negative connotation, or so I was told.} "...How could she do such a thing?!?"
I then followed these statements with a long-drawn out story on how I was trying to nip the name calling {especially, calling one another "donkeys"} in my classroom. I told my friend that every time I heard that word used, I would have the student sit down, write their parents a note stating the phrase they said in class--"donkey", and have the note returned bearing a signature from a parent.
A fine, fine act to increase awareness in the home, and I was quite proud of myself.
Until, of course, I heard the next few lines from my friend...
"What does it mean, anyways?" I ask to refresh my mind. {For up until this point, I had thought it was the equivalent to the F bomb or something...}
"Oh, it's just a phrase that means, 'You're stupid.'"
"Wait, that's it?? That's all it means??"
"Yah, I'm positive."
"Sooo, I've been sending these notes home to parents that say their child called another stupid, and that's it??! ...man."
At this, we just laugh.
So, the parents may think I'm traditional. Or, perhaps conservative. Or, maybe just strange. Either way, my students definitely think twice before they call each other donkeys.
I'm changing Palestine, one day at a time...
Saturday, February 5, 2011
God's Intention
One thing that has struck me these past few days is God's intention: God really does work + plan all things for good for those who love Him and work to manifest God's glory in and around their lives. And, this is not the "believe in God and everything will be smooth and comfortable" kind of good. This is the "man, live sucks right now... but God is good. I know He holds all things together and that He sees me where I am. I know He is working, and the good He intends is for His glory to be known" kind of good.
Take, Joseph in the Old Testament, for example. He learned this lesson over a period of years and was one, incredible man of faith. Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, believed to be dead by his own father, and put into prison by his master who had believed that Joseph slept with his wife. But, Joseph was framed {in all accounts} and had never done any wrong, knowing that his first priority was living a life aligned with God.
While in prison, Joseph meets two other men from Pharaoh's courts and God grants Joseph the ability to interpret their dreams. Because of this, the two men promise they will remember Joseph when they are freed. One, however, is hung shortly after his release. The other, forgets all about Joseph and the promise he had made to him. Thus, Joseph remains in prison.
After two years go by, Pharaoh begins having dreams and the second man, who had promised Joseph that he would remember him, suddenly recollects Joseph and his uncanny ability to do just this. Fed up with all of the other men and their failed attempts at interpretation, Pharaoh is desperate and calls Joseph in. And, God does not disappoint. God gives Joseph the ability to interpret Pharaoh's dreams {both of which, serve as a warning for Egypt, as the land will soon come into a time of famine lasting seven years}.
Because of this success, Joseph is trusted and placed highly under Pharaoh's command, for God was surely with Joseph. In fact, Pharaoh clarified himself to the utmost detail saying that he is only higher than Joseph because of his throne. All other facets of power belong to Joseph. And so, Joseph is made chief of all chiefs and holds all power over crops and rations during the time of preparation and famine for all of Egypt.
Then, a wonderful story of forgiveness unfolds as Joseph is reunited with his brothers. After testing their integrity, he informs them of his true identity, and Joseph's brothers are baffled. Mixed with their astonishment is great fear, for they are afraid that Joseph has been holding a grudge towards them and they do not know what is to come. This fear lasts until the death of their father, but Joseph quiets their fear with these words:
"Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear, I will provide for you and your little ones."
Wow. What a message. To see and understand that God had control over Joseph's life while reading the Bible is one thing, but actually living that life and having that mindset is another. I don't know what my reactions would have been, had I been Joseph. But I pray that I would always rest in the knowledge that God is with me, wherever I go, whatever is going on in life, He is there. His intentions are always for His glory to be known.
I've had this on my mind a lot recently, as February 2nd marked the anniversary of my brother, Dustin's, passing. At the time {and still now}, I am speechless as to why it had to happen then. Life and death are fascinating subjects and the latter is often times, ignored and considered taboo. I don't know everything about life, and I don't claim to. But I do know that I have gained a greater perspective on what life is not.
My life is not fulfilling when I live for me. It's when I live for God where I find contentment.
My life is not guaranteed to last another day. I should be thankful for each passing breath.
My life is not living for life on earth. It's a daily decision to make an impact for eternity.
Yah, it's hard not having Dustin here. It's difficult knowing that I won't be able to make a future with him in my life, but I'm grateful for those moments I did have. I'm even more grateful for the wake-up call that his death had on my life. I hope that I carry out God's intentions for His glory to be known {and not mine} with my life and that it would be evident that He is the reason that I live. And no other.
{And, of course, I wish my wake-up call could have taken on a different form, but that's what God allowed for me. I don't claim to know why it happened, but I do know that it has been a blessing to realize the hope I have in Christ and the abundant life He gives.}
I'm not sure what that wake-up call looks like for you, but I hope that you are able to see God's goodness in it and in the aftermath.
God is faithful.
God is just.
God is steadfast love.
This day.
And always.
Take, Joseph in the Old Testament, for example. He learned this lesson over a period of years and was one, incredible man of faith. Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, believed to be dead by his own father, and put into prison by his master who had believed that Joseph slept with his wife. But, Joseph was framed {in all accounts} and had never done any wrong, knowing that his first priority was living a life aligned with God.
While in prison, Joseph meets two other men from Pharaoh's courts and God grants Joseph the ability to interpret their dreams. Because of this, the two men promise they will remember Joseph when they are freed. One, however, is hung shortly after his release. The other, forgets all about Joseph and the promise he had made to him. Thus, Joseph remains in prison.
After two years go by, Pharaoh begins having dreams and the second man, who had promised Joseph that he would remember him, suddenly recollects Joseph and his uncanny ability to do just this. Fed up with all of the other men and their failed attempts at interpretation, Pharaoh is desperate and calls Joseph in. And, God does not disappoint. God gives Joseph the ability to interpret Pharaoh's dreams {both of which, serve as a warning for Egypt, as the land will soon come into a time of famine lasting seven years}.
Because of this success, Joseph is trusted and placed highly under Pharaoh's command, for God was surely with Joseph. In fact, Pharaoh clarified himself to the utmost detail saying that he is only higher than Joseph because of his throne. All other facets of power belong to Joseph. And so, Joseph is made chief of all chiefs and holds all power over crops and rations during the time of preparation and famine for all of Egypt.
Then, a wonderful story of forgiveness unfolds as Joseph is reunited with his brothers. After testing their integrity, he informs them of his true identity, and Joseph's brothers are baffled. Mixed with their astonishment is great fear, for they are afraid that Joseph has been holding a grudge towards them and they do not know what is to come. This fear lasts until the death of their father, but Joseph quiets their fear with these words:
"Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear, I will provide for you and your little ones."
-----------------------------------------------
Wow. What a message. To see and understand that God had control over Joseph's life while reading the Bible is one thing, but actually living that life and having that mindset is another. I don't know what my reactions would have been, had I been Joseph. But I pray that I would always rest in the knowledge that God is with me, wherever I go, whatever is going on in life, He is there. His intentions are always for His glory to be known.
I've had this on my mind a lot recently, as February 2nd marked the anniversary of my brother, Dustin's, passing. At the time {and still now}, I am speechless as to why it had to happen then. Life and death are fascinating subjects and the latter is often times, ignored and considered taboo. I don't know everything about life, and I don't claim to. But I do know that I have gained a greater perspective on what life is not.
My life is not fulfilling when I live for me. It's when I live for God where I find contentment.
My life is not guaranteed to last another day. I should be thankful for each passing breath.
My life is not living for life on earth. It's a daily decision to make an impact for eternity.
Yah, it's hard not having Dustin here. It's difficult knowing that I won't be able to make a future with him in my life, but I'm grateful for those moments I did have. I'm even more grateful for the wake-up call that his death had on my life. I hope that I carry out God's intentions for His glory to be known {and not mine} with my life and that it would be evident that He is the reason that I live. And no other.
{And, of course, I wish my wake-up call could have taken on a different form, but that's what God allowed for me. I don't claim to know why it happened, but I do know that it has been a blessing to realize the hope I have in Christ and the abundant life He gives.}
I'm not sure what that wake-up call looks like for you, but I hope that you are able to see God's goodness in it and in the aftermath.
God is faithful.
God is just.
God is steadfast love.
This day.
And always.
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