Magazine Wallets

Yesterday at my work place, I was approached by a girl, Claira, whom I have really come to enjoy.

Claira has a genuineness about her that I find to be rare. She has poise, confidence, and charisma. She has a patient soul and sees the depth of what lies behind my eyes.

Claira is also in the sixth grade.

What she says and does challenges me, at times. She challenges my method of doing things, or why I may seek to fulfill certain tasks... teaching me to live a little less rigid.

Then, of course, there are other times when I see the need that she has for direction to be granted; for wisdom to be shared. Now, I'm not the wisest of people. Nor do I have all of the answers, but I'd say that we have a pretty good checks and balances relationship going on between us. I can provide direction or wisdom in those set situations, and she can grant me the ability to loosen up and live a little freer.

I would also say that yesterday a mix of those things happened. I said a few things that, I'm sure, challenged her and reaffirmed others' words bearing truth, love, and faith into her spirit. But she taught me something more... a gift is something that you give, without thinking how it will be received, but more so, because you want that person to know that they are thought of. Cared for. Appreciated.

Seems like a "duh" statement, does it not?

I've written on unexpected gifts of wildflowers and what they say to me, but this is a different message. Sometimes, in my current "stage of life" I get lost in the message of the gift, instead of the action of my giving.

I second guess gift ideas because, "I'm just not sure if that would suit so-and-so..." or "I just don't know if they would use that..."

And then, you guessed it, nothing happens.

I'm lost in a sea of uncertainty because I'm fearful of giving something that they would not appreciate or value.

When did I lose sight of the message of the gift? Or, better yet, that I don't need a gift to tell another that I am grateful for them! When did I begin thinking that I do not "have enough time" to let those close know how important they are to me, or how much I value their companionship? Maybe it's something that we all now just assume from one another? Maybe we should only celebrate those nearest and dearest to us on special holidays and certain days of the week without acknowledging their affect on us with, gasp, words?

But that would be foolish.

Because I love to hear those things from those around me. And, truth be told, a random gift of appreciation speaks to my soul.

People are not something you can just write off with a purchased gift. A simple, mindless swipe of the debit card does not give them what they long to hear: that they are worth the time, effort, and energy required to sustain the relationship. And, that is not what I am suggesting for myself or any other. What I'm saying is: I would like to act on my gratitude for others more than what I do now.

Do I know the simple equation for this? Not entirely. But what I do know is that God places people on my mind + heart for a reason. If I do not actively engage myself in their lives with what He is calling me to do, then what am I doing? Am I showing that I don't trust Him fully?

Take this a step further, what gifts am I holding back from God? What would He want from me that I am not giving Him?

This is a tough question, but it's a good one. It is a question that deserves repeating time and time again. I want to have God be the first and foremost, and I want to trust "my" possessions to Him.

"Nevertheless, I am continually with you;

you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is my strength of my heart and my portion forever."

-Psalm 73:23-26

I want that to be my heart cry. To long for God as dry, parched land longs for water.

You may be asking yourself, how did Claira spark such an interesting slew of thoughts in my mind? Great question.

Claira returned to me after we had finished our first conversation of current events and God stories to show me something personal. She showed me her wallet that she had made with her grandmother a few days prior. It's a wallet made of folded magazine ads and tape. Nothing too glamorous or extravagant, says the world. But, I know to her it stands for: love + thoughtfulness + value.

After praising her for the craftsmanship, we then talked about her up-and-coming birthday party. She has already made wallets for those who will be in attendance {all girls, mind you}, to which, I said, was a great idea. Thinking that our conversation was making its shift to the 'farewell stage' she caught me by surprise and simply stated:"I'll make one for you, too, if you'd like."

It was a gesture that said more than those nine words alone could {well, eleven if you count the contractions}.

She is willing to take the time to show me how thankful she is for me with a gift. More than that, she is seeking nothing in return... and purely wants to do it out of gratitude.

Man, how cool would it be if my life looked more like Claira's?

I really do believe that children just, get it, more than us adults do at times.

I want a heart more like that. A heart prone to giving out of gratitude.

What a beautiful heart that would be!

May I live more and more out of gratitude first to God and then to others. May I have an increasingly beautiful heart with each passing day.

With My Whole Heart

I hate when I catch myself overwhelmed with bitterness. For the world.

Last week was one of those nasty weeks for me. It was a full-on spiritual attack. My mental state was radically shifted from one seeking to pour love + truth into others to despising all I came into contact with. 

Had they done anything to provoke me? Absolutely not. 

I had just made the commitment to God that I would fervently strive to meet everyone where they were currently-- with no other ambition or goal in mind. I wanted to see the need, emotional, spiritual, or physical, and speak life into it. I wanted to be a listening ear or a helping hand. I wanted to bring the same joy that I have into every interaction. 

Honest, good, and raw. 

The only problem with that: I was seeking to do that without God's help. 

It was almost as if I had said, "Hey, yah, God, I think I'm going to just do that today." Sure, I didn't really say that... but I was not holding on to His lead as much as I should have been. 

I was living with the intention of being His hands and feet, but forgot to ask Him to be the motive behind my actions. Almost as though I was saying, "Hey, God, did you see what I just did for you??" -- and not, "God, lead me on how to interact with this person, even if the conversation is but for a moment. I need your direction with my words. May you be the fuel that is driving my everything today --especially my 'right now' moments."

And that's a hard place to be. Because in my own efforts, I fail. I see failure in others. I see downfalls. I see them in myself. ....and lose sight of God's grace. HIS healing. HIS provision. HIS strength.

Praise God that He met me where I was. Praise Him for granting me new vision of hope during the end of last week. Praise Him for taking those calloused scales off of my eyes and for casting light on my situation. For I was under attack from the enemy, and was completely unaware. That's why I have to constantly come before Him with everything I face. The things I can and cannot see.   

With my whole heart, I hope to daily strive to die to myself. 

With my whole heart, I yearn to become more like Him each and every day. 

With my whole heart, I long for my life to have eternal value in favor of God's glory to be made known. 

With my whole heart, and nothing less. 

The Message of Rain

As I sit on my bed, I hear the unsettled house move about me. It's an unpredictable kind of sound... one I cannot hum or place a beat to. It rises and falls without notice --- but it is always here.

Predictable unpredictability.

Or, perhaps, just constant. Consistent. Inevitable. Any of these seem to work in this circumstance.

But tonight, the sound of my home is paired with the wailing wind just outside of my window. This wind is the "Wizard of Oz" kind of wind where in any moment, I expect my world to become snatched up from the ground and thrown into the arms of a colossal cyclone.

Perhaps, I would even go searching for my way home with newly acquired ruby slippers as my guide. ...But, I digress.

Really, though, if I am to be honest, the thing that has my attention this evening is not the creaking of my house or the howling of the wind, but the beating down of rain.

Rain.... such an interesting thing, is it not? Interesting how rain can come in so many forms. It can be calming, soothing, barely there, lightly dancing in the sky --- or it can slam to earth so hard and so fast that you start to feverishly pray that you'll hopefully see another day.

Tonight, prayers were spoken.

Rain such as this kind reminds me that God is big. He is not to be taken lightly, and He is powerful. To think that the God I serve... the God I love... the God that loves me... controls the rain and everything around it! The rain that has my knees shaking, my God controls.

God controls the things that I, in my small-microscopic view of the world and universe, cannot predict. He knows my in's and out's just as he knows what tomorrow will bring. He knows that I alone would fail, but He longs to be my guide. He longs for me to come to Him for direction and provision. He longs for my dependency.

How quick I am to make haste my actions and my thoughts! And, sadly, my flesh longs for selfish desires. But, oh! How sweet it is to allow God to take control of my life! To see Him be glorified above all else... even if it requires me to lay down my wants and wishes before Him. It is my prayer to daily do this. And, wow, does opposition exist! Praying against the work of the enemy as he strives to bring destruction to the world. May I, along with other Christ-followers, be diligent and full of discernment as they seek to serve God in and with their everything.

Thankful for the rain this evening.... and the thoughts and prayers that it brings. How great God is to bring life and power to the earth!