Last week was one of those nasty weeks for me. It was a full-on spiritual attack. My mental state was radically shifted from one seeking to pour love + truth into others to despising all I came into contact with.
Had they done anything to provoke me? Absolutely not.
I had just made the commitment to God that I would fervently strive to meet everyone where they were currently-- with no other ambition or goal in mind. I wanted to see the need, emotional, spiritual, or physical, and speak life into it. I wanted to be a listening ear or a helping hand. I wanted to bring the same joy that I have into every interaction.
Honest, good, and raw.
The only problem with that: I was seeking to do that without God's help.
It was almost as if I had said, "Hey, yah, God, I think I'm going to just do that today." Sure, I didn't really say that... but I was not holding on to His lead as much as I should have been.
I was living with the intention of being His hands and feet, but forgot to ask Him to be the motive behind my actions. Almost as though I was saying, "Hey, God, did you see what I just did for you??" -- and not, "God, lead me on how to interact with this person, even if the conversation is but for a moment. I need your direction with my words. May you be the fuel that is driving my everything today --especially my 'right now' moments."
And that's a hard place to be. Because in my own efforts, I fail. I see failure in others. I see downfalls. I see them in myself. ....and lose sight of God's grace. HIS healing. HIS provision. HIS strength.
Praise God that He met me where I was. Praise Him for granting me new vision of hope during the end of last week. Praise Him for taking those calloused scales off of my eyes and for casting light on my situation. For I was under attack from the enemy, and was completely unaware. That's why I have to constantly come before Him with everything I face. The things I can and cannot see.
With my whole heart, I hope to daily strive to die to myself.
With my whole heart, I yearn to become more like Him each and every day.
With my whole heart, I long for my life to have eternal value in favor of God's glory to be made known.
With my whole heart, and nothing less.
No comments:
Post a Comment